Today is usually the day that I would post a new hot chocolate recipe for the week, but clearly, that did not happen. I tested out two different flavours - coconut and rum - and they were both awful. I wasn't able to think of another flavour to try, which led me to spend all of last night lying on my bean bag feeling so stressed that my heart wanted to jump out of its ribcage.
It wasn't just the hot chocolate that made last night a particularly bad night for my anxiety, it was a number of things. The biggest contributor was the fact that I kept thinking about how long it has been since I'd called a certain family friend, and how I am never the one to reach out, and I felt so low and selfish. It completely ruined my night.
My brain kept thinking just make the phone call, nothing will happen before turning around and being like oh yeah, that's right, you'll die. Obviously that's not very logical, but my brain just can't function whenever I think about making a phone call. It melts down, and I start having heart palpitations.
Once upon a time I would make up any excuse I could to call one of my friends, and then I'd stay on the phone for hours, but now I have to keep my phone on silent at all times because even someone calling me causes me to panic. I know why this happens; I've had lots of bad news delivered to me via the phone. Truly scarring, life-threatening events have begun from a phone call, and it has conditioned my mind to assume the worst whenever the phone rings.
This is something I am hoping will get better with time. If not, I may have to look into getting some help to get over it - and that's okay, but it's not a step that I am willing to take just yet. I've been able to help myself through a lot of my other issues and I want to see if I can resolve this one myself as well.
Moving on, I am taking this opportunity of having a free post day to share a Weekly Musings post, as it has been so long since I've been able to. I love sharing things I've found online and talking about all the things that make me happy, so now that I've gotten some things off my chest, let's move on to the good things!
♡ Pretty Cake Machine absolutely blew me away with her latest Sailor Moon themed dessert.
♡ Speaking of geeky things, I love these two Pokemon-themed graduation caps. I would love to have these guys on display in my office!
♡ I loved this piece on why this parent won't let her son accept an award for perfect attendance. All throughout my schooling I took a lot of days off - far too many - and teachers made me feel horrible for it. They'd call me out in class, tell me how much of a failure I was, and more, but they had no idea what was going on at home. This was mostly at my second high school, when things were the worst they had ever been at home, but nobody cared why I was away, just the fact that I was, and that made everything I was going through even worse.
♡ If you're in need of some help with making your thinking more positive, this article on how to make things suck less is just for you.
♡ A woman surprised her 90-year-old grandmother with a cake smash photoshoot, and it's my favourite thing ever. I definitely need to do this at some point in my life!
♡ This piece on what it's like to be the fat person on a plane was really eye-opening, and quite upsetting, to read. I've never been on a plane, but it's very obvious that it's a squishy, uncomfortable experience for everyone, and it's very sad that people can be so downright rude and make others feel even more uncomfortable than they already are. Before you speak, you should always consider what it's like to be in the shoes of the person you're about to complain about. Perspective is a wonderful and important thing.
♡ One day I hope to live my life as beautifully and colourfully as this wonderful woman.
♡ Your day job isn't at fault for killing your creativity, or taking up most of your time, you are.
Until next time,